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To Him

The Struggle

Its about to get real on this post so beware.

Its hard..

Super hard..

To hear my parents’ talk about our financial situation. Never have we ever thought that we would get to this place, who knows..maybe we did but either way it hurts to see them feel bad for US..Its hard to see them struggle so hard to provide for me and my sister. They want to give us not only what we need but also things we want, but the fact they cant..it hurts them. AND THEN it hurts me to see them like that.

We’ve been flat out broke for the past year and a half..Both my parents not having jobs. The money that we’ve been living off of for the past year and a half is just money that we had saved in the bank. So its annoying..when people say that they’re broke or that they dont have money when in reality (some cases) they’re just broke until they get their $100 dollar allowance the next week. Then, what do we spend it on? food…nothing but food..

haha dude..we’ve been getting our food from the local food banks every month. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WE HAVE SO MUCH DOESN’T IT?! I look well off dont i? After all, I am living in the OC, where teenagers drive around mercedes and beamers.. haha Boy did I have you fooled.

So everything we buy is limited..everything we have is spared..birthday presents aren’t existent..going out to dinner isn’t real..YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE SUCKS?! I HAVENT EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GIVE OFFERING AT CHURCH FOR LIKE EVER..and I understand their is so much more to give than just that $1-5 dollars..but I WANT to..

And people always want to spot me and pay for me, which I ofcourse receive. I receive because thats just God’s grace and love to me, but its been happening too many times now. Its every..single..time..and it gets to a point where (dare I say it) gets embarrassing. Therefore I stoop to a low and pay in coins in order to have people NOT pay for me. Im ashamed I guess. NEVER WOULD I HAVE EVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE LIKE THIS AND BE SO TIED DOWN TO MONEY..but Im human.

Luckily..my parents both got a job this week..YAY JESUS..but trust me, its not worth the money; my parents took it cause we need it. My dad works a 12 hour day now and only gets paid $80 (less than min. wage…way less) and my mom works at a cafe for $8 an hour.

Im writing this right now because Im doing my FAFSA for college with my parents and as we type in our income and stuff..I just hear the shame in their voices when they say “$0.00 for 2012”..and Then I remind them we need to pay $300 for our AP exams.

My dad responds with his hands clasped together, his head down, and a deep sigh..

it killed me.

God provides..Cause I mean..he gave us 2 jobs, a new car, and he’s been providing over and over again this whole year..but I constantly keep scraping my knees. I keep failing to be faithful to that truth that he continuously creates to be evident. I keep worrying..I keep putting limits on Him.. HAHA man, Jesus teach me..

and now i cry.

13 notes
  1. yunasuriejeon said: Dude…
  2. solinachoi said: you know, He has provided, and He will. Lavvvvvv you.
  3. euginnatasha posted this