a beautiful collision

To be honest, I struggle a lot in my fourth period to stay awake. The air always gets really thick and heavy, and our conversations tend to be pointless and dumb. 

But, as my eyes were slowly drooping down and as my head was quietly attempting to hide itself behind the person in front of me ( whose name is eugene as well……HA), I tune in for a second and heard my teacher say something profound.

well..more like something simple we got out of the book 1984, turned into something profound about life.

she says, “A rose is a rose, no matter what you call it..right?” ” A chair is  a chair, no matter what you call it”

the class doesnt respond, mainly cause half of them were knocked out.

But, shes so right.

Our Father has originally created us to love and to be loved. He created us to be beautiful sons and daughters of His kingdom. He molded us to be His beloved and to be fighters. He shaped us to be righteous and holy and strong; yet alone, His.

and the world skews it all up. The world calls us ugly, sinful, unredeemable, and impatient. The enemy calls us sluts and thieves, weak and inadequate.

but..this isn’t who we are.

“a rose is a rose, no matter what you call it”

No matter what the world speaks over us, we’ll always be our original form. You get me? Society can call you all the lies in the world, but the truth will always remain through the cross. We let society label us in big letters..but lets look at the small print. Lets just glance at what and who we really are, see what we’re really made out of, shall we?

“a rose is a rose, no matter what you call it”

I am a child of the Most High, no matter what the world calls me. I am His beloved no matter what the world calls me. I am beautiful no matter what the world calls me. I am loved so fiercely no matter how hard the world tries to say that Im not. 

And thats me, thats us..in the original form.

in the most pure and only form.

i wanna go fishing..

(Source: shawnlowe)

the crickets and the sprinklers keep me company at night.

out of me and my sisters, I feel like my dad and I have a different relationship.

i like it.

I dont know what it is, but we just have a deeper understanding of eachother, i guess..or like a connection. Probably because of all those years worth of long car rides to soccer tournaments, games, and practices. Even though the car rides mostly consisted of me sleeping and us arguing about what I should’ve or shouldn’t have done on the field. But during those long silent moments, Christ built a relationship. Do you get me?

today while we were coming back from work, we were parking and my dad just says “should we pray?”..and im like “oh what, right now? i mean I guess” . I thought he wanted us to pray for this hugeeee accident that happened across the street, and before I could even respond he just grabbed my hand, and then thats when I realized he was praying for me.

me.

in the car,

Just me and him.

in that same silence that we shared for years.

it was beautiful..thats all I could say.

we said amen, and I gave him a kiss on his rough cheek.

this was what I needed. This was what I wanted: someone that would pray for me just cause they loved me. 

Not because of the season Im in.

Not because of the weakness in my knees.

but because they just love me.

maybe im being overdramatic…who knows. haha, i mean, its just funny cause I remember that earlier today I told myself that I wanted someone to pray for me. AND PIP PIP DADOODLY DOO, Jesus comes in. The Father comes in with the rescue, and uses my other father, my earthly father.

gahh, how beautiful is that.

i like it when my dad becomes gentle.

i like it when he lets go of that korean parent identity and actually shows love.

And as Im writing this, I realized how Christ demonstrated his love for me through my dad. He demonstrated how he is still there, right beside me..interceding for me, holding me, embracing me, comforting me throughout this time. And he illustrated that so physically, so tangibly. When my dad grabbed my hand, it was as if Christ held my hand. With my hand in his calloused one, I felt safe. I felt secure. 

i felt still.

and i shut up..for once i just shut up.

I was silenced by the love he was speaking over me. that HE was speaking over me.

honestly..i feel like this wont even make sense to you. 

but anyway, thank you jesus.

thank you daddy

thank you Father.

that there’s nothing more beautiful than the love You have for me.

I will fight to follow You, Oh lord.

I will fight to need you.

I will fight to want you.

I will fight till the ends of the earth in order to be with You, Dad.

even if I have to crawl..I will crawl towards You.

You are my fight and You are my victory.

By all means, take all of me. Take every breath of my being and every word that comes from my tongue. Take hold of my work, take hold of my friendships, take hold of my heart Oh Christ and may your will be done with it.

In this season, God, I declare that You are bigger. I declare that you are stronger. I declare that You are faithful. Even when its the hardest to believe, I will shout it from the rooftops. Even when my knees are weak, that battle will rage on.

I cannot walk away from Your kingdom. I cannot walk away from your discipline. I cannot walk away from You. 

I dont feel your embrace, but I know its there, holding me tighter than before. I dont see you’re face, but I know its still looking at me. I dont hear your voice, but I know its shouting out to me. I dont see your hands, but I know its reaching for me.

So I now brush off the dirt and bruises, and by faith I will fight on.

I will fight to follow You just as You fought to call me your own.

no matter what it takes.

at all costs, I will fight.

in the tiredness

in the inadequacies

in the injustice

in the impatience

in this very season

You hold me, Oh Lord.

You embrace me and when it seems as if im almost out of air, you breathe into me again.

You hold me and you hold me and you hold me.

(Source: delightfortheeyes)

elisedale:

it’s always a good time.

“unhealthy” none the less hahaha… solinas tryna be serious and eugin and i are using effects and then solinas like lol f it and puts on a crown HAHA

always learning from you guys. ITS ALWAYS ME WHO ENDS UP CRYING. why.

momo’s alarm just went off D: poor monica. it’s 2 am !! 5 am in georgia :O good thing solinas dun wit skewl.
but yo my farts smell like skunk/weed :|….

shoot, i have a paper to write.

but i wan to go out for a walk.

and i want to love jesus.

These are my two best friends, solina and elise. We all video chatted last night and we havent done that in forever. Its so crazy how we were all brought together and even now, when we’re all 2500 miles apart, busy with our own schedules, college, highschool, praise team, life, whatever..I can proudly declare that its all by Him and His love that we are still together.

as cliche as it is, we’ve stuck to eachother through thick and thin, fire and ice, THROUGH THE HIGHS AND THE LOWS, THROUGH THE SAD TIMES AND THE HAPPY TIMES,THROUGH DESERT SEASON AND FRUITFUL SEASONS, JANUARY THROUGH DECEMBER.. 

man, a lot of people shaped me..but These 2..they were there since the beginnning. LIKE WAYYY BEGINNING. Like..i met christ through them.

seriously, he binds us. and still is.

and Hes still holding us.

and He still calls us His own.

and He still has faith in us, has hope in us.

and Hes still madly in love with these two..me included haha.

AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT HE HAS IN STORE FOR US…together. its been a wild 4 years.

today I declare victory.

I triumph over the enemy and trample over death as I proclaim the name of the one most high.

Honestly..the baptism was so real to me today.

a couple hours before it, I didnt even want to be baptized. I wasn’t excited about it, I felt reluctant to do it and I just wanted to sleep. Little did I know that the enemy’s scheme was coming into play; he was masking my brokenness and my hurt. 

wait..I dont like the way im writing this. okay..im changing this.

but yea, so I weeped and balled and wiped snot on my shirt for a good hour while I was being rebuked and edified by some BWOOTIFUL woman of christ that He has blessed me with. 

yea, i got slapped in the face 395846 times but then I got ice for those burns too. HA. 

and as I stepped into the waters and kneeled..my heart kneeled at the foot of the cross. I was dunked into the water and next thing you know, Im drenched in victory. I was soaked in love and dipped in mercy. And all of a sudden, the weight was lifted off my shoulders. Seriously, I felt 10 times lighter even though, physically, I was 10 times heavier (because of the water). 

He changed chaos in my heart into stillness, and burden into voluntary love. 

wow..

and you know what else? Its crazy cause..all those people that got baptized today had a past. They had a story, they had circumstances, they had addictions and problems and brokenness..but they found christ—more like Christ found them. And he revealed his love to them and redeemed them. AND LOOK AT THEM NOW.

wow..

thanks Jesus.

thanks for giving birth to me today. 

The inability to speak the words that our lips were originally designed for. The ability to comfort, the ability to love vanished. It was no longer in my reach

i just sat there. 

while she weeps.

And through every heart wrenching groan of frustration, I was able to feel the heaviness and the brokenness in her heart. My guts twisted and my hands were clenched as if I was actually going to do something about brokenness I didnt even know about. All I could do was sit there, sweating, trying to generate sentences with my own power and will when we all know that itll do nothing.

So i just stared at the back of her head…

my lips were paralyzed.

man.

MAN.

M A N.

I had the heart but no overflow of His love and of His comfort. Attempting to pull something out of nothing. Does that make sense? I mean, I believe that God uses even the smallest words and actions, but at the same time if you’re not investing your time into Him and into what He has to offer…then we (our hearts) are not able to receive it and use it to make heaven come down.

and then we catch ourselves, staring at the back of a persons head..

can compare with this one.

There’s a lot more than meets the eye.

Christ, You are so faithful to me.

Oh, what little faith I have to fear society, to fear decisions, to fear failure, to fear consquences.

Nothing can ever stop You O lord.

You are a mighty fortress, more powerful than the rushing waters, louder than the rolling thunders, and your wind is stronger than what any other wind may blow me.

To trust…that’s the key.

To trust without borders.

To keep fighting when the battle rages on.

To trust

and to obey.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

i am completely undone.

Im glad You’re my father

and Im glad I’m Your daughter.

cause there’s no other arms I’d want to run into but Yours.

cause nothing can compare to a Father’s embrace.